A post to make you groan!

 

 

Everybody loves to pull a Christmas cracker and there is always a collective groan when the jokes are read out. I thought today I would give you some groaning practice by listing some of the cheesiest jokes I have found or heard.

What do you get when you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?

A pineapple!

What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?

A stick.

Why was the turkey in the pop group?

Because he was the only one with drumsticks!

 What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinselitis!

 

What do they sing at a snowman's birthday?

Freeze a jolly good fellow...

 

What happens to elves when they are naughty?

Santa gives them the sack!

 

What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet!

 

Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?

He had nobody to go with.

 

What happened to the man that stole an advent calendar?

He got 25 days.

 

What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet.

 

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy.

 

Who delivers presents to pets?

Santa Paws!

 

Who is Santa’s favourite singer?

Elf-is Presley

 

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

 

Why can't Christmas trees knit?

Because they lose their needles.

 

What do you call a reindeer who can't see?

No-eye deer.

 

Why did Santa go to the hospital?

Because of his poor elf.

 

Why did no one bid for Rudolph or Blitzen on Ebay?

Because they were too deer.

 

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!

 

How does Christmas Day end?
With the letter Y!

Christmas at Chatsworth House

 

I haven’t visited Chatsworth House for over 25 years. After watching a TV programme about Chatsworth and how it dealt with Christmas last year I decided that I would like to go this year. I only booked tickets for Craig and I as Emma was more than likely going to be working and Matthew said he didn’t want to go.

 We booked one of the first tours of the day so it was an early start to get there on time. An advantage of that was that we were able to park close to the entrance.

 

                                                    

 

I loved all of the displays and the fact that they were still traditional looking. The theme was celebrating the past 20 years that Chatsworth had been decorating the house for Christmas. Every room I went into had the ‘wow’ factor. Underneath my mask I was grinning from ear to ear it was so beautiful.

 

The room dedicated to 2021 was full of decorations from recycled materials. But all through the house there was evidence of this and they gave me loads of ideas for future projects. When I asked about them we were told that they were made by the in-house staff who are obviously very talented.

 

After the tour was over I indulged in my first mince pie of the season before taking a walk around the gardens. There was certainly a lot to see and do.

 

The Christmas market was on that day so we spent a good few hours wandering around and having a look at what was on sale. Although it was busy it was not absolutely packed like the one in Manchester and you were able to see what was on offer. We bought a few things and sampled a few things on the way round.

 

It was a lovely day and it was nice it being just Craig and I as we rarely go anywhere on our own. I am looking forward to doing more things like this in the future.

Festive afternoon tea

 

Hidden away in the woods at Rivington, near Bolton, is a little tearoom that is only open on a Sunday. However, for Christmas they opened for 2 Saturdays for a festive afternoon tea. Craig decided to book for the both of us as he knows that I like an afternoon tea even though he isn’t a fan. The couple who run the tea room were fantastic and agreed to make add cheese scones to the menu ( as Craig does not like sweet scones) and not put butter on the sandwiches (again because Craig is so fussy).

 As Rivington is a place we go quite a bit to take Penny for a walk it seemed strange to be going without her. The owners of the tearoom even asked where she was. I would have loved to have worn fancy shoes but as the path tends to be a bit muddy I just stuck to boots. I like going there as it is decorated in a similar style I would use if I ran a tearoom.

 I was so looking forward to the afternoon tea that I was halfway through eating before I remembered to take photos.

 

The food was delicious and I took a slice of the sponge and a mince pie home as it was too much too eat in one go. Craig had most of the sandwiches and the quiche as well as the cheese scone and I had a couple of sandwiches and the rest of the sweet treats.

 If they decide to do the Festive afternoon tea next Christmas, I will definitely go again but I would take a friend rather than Craig who would be able to enjoy all the treats.

 

Christmas Shopping

 

For many years it was traditional that one Sunday Mum, my sisters and myself would go into Manchester City Centre and do as much of our Christmas shopping as we could. It was because we used to get vouchers from a well known hamper company and it would be the weekend after we received them. However, after one of their competitors went bust just before Christmas we decided not to take the chance. We still did our shopping day but we never seemed to buy as much as we had generally started earlier. We also had less to buy in some respects as the kids got older, so the day became more of a spending time together day than shopping.

However, because of Covid, my youngest sister emigrating to Australia and Mum getting older we aren’t going to do a shopping day anymore. This has meant that I do my shopping at my leisure. Although I enjoy shopping, as I have become older I find the crowds more and more irritating and I am quite keen to avoid them. I will go shopping first thing in the morning or wait until about 30 minutes before the shops are due to close. I am lucky enough to be very close to the Trafford Centre, but I will avoid going there as much as possible because of how busy it is. It is handy though for the last minute presents that Craig springs on me.

Last year was the first time I did all of my shopping online and I admit I absolutely loved it. Most of the time I do prefer going and actually physically seeing what I am buying but with all the restrictions last year I decided against going out. I bought most of my presents from Etsy or NotontheHighStreet as I wanted to get things that you would not normally find in the chain stores and also to support the small businesses who haven’t got the resources to survive like the ‘big boys’.

 This year I have decided to do the same for most of the presents. I have a few gifts that I am actually going out to the shops to purchase but the rest of them have already been ordered and delivered and are just waiting to be wrapped.

 Shopping online also helps me stay on budget as I am not tempted to put extras in my basket which is always a big help at this time of year.

 How do you prefer to do our shopping and has it changed over the years?

December Plans

 

I have been a bit reluctant to make too many plans for Christmas this year as the majority of them were cancelled last year. We normally do an experience as a family but with Emma and Craig having to work then that isn’t possible. Emma and Matthew are both going to London for a weekend though. Emma is going to an awards ceremony and Matthew is on a school trip.

 Craig and I made an early Christmas visit to Chatsworth House to see it decorated for Christmas and we have a festive afternoon tea booked in a little tea room we visit when we are out walking the dog in that area. There is also a Christmas dinner with one of the Masonic Lodges that Craig is a member of.

 Emma and I have booked to see ‘Six’ on the 21^st (hopefully third time lucky) and she is also going with friends to see ‘Book of Mormon’ on the 10^th.

 My father in law is having a 70^th birthday buffet. Due to an ongoing issue within the family we are not sure if we will be going to that. However, it is the only time Craig’s family will be altogether this month and it would be easier to distribute cards and presents.

 Craig is also thinking about going to the Christmas Markets in Manchester but if I am honest I would rather not as they are much too crowded, too expensive and they are generally selling the same things year after year.

 I will be going to spend an evening in a nearby garden centre with a friend admiring the Christmas displays and eyeing up what to hopefully be able to buy in the sale.

 Craig has several meals booked with the company he works for and I have a few craft sessions to go to this month as well so we are probably busier than we have ever been.

 Christmas Day itself will just be the 4 of us for dinner and then going to my sisters’ house where my parents will be as well.

 I have also got to fit in all the Christmas shopping, decorating and usual Christmas preparations and work full time. To do this I have taken a couple of days off work and plan to get everything done in the one long weekend so I can enjoy the rest of the month.

 

Our Advent Calendars

 

Advent calendars have certainly changed from when I was a child. Back then I always received a calendar which displayed a picture relating to Christmas. Nowadays, it is rare to see those types in most shops.

When the kids were younger they always had a chocolate one (or three) each. As they have gotten older, I am trying to look for something different and there is so much variety in the contents you could be spoilt for choice.

 This year I have decided to get Matthew a Haribo calendar as those are his favourite sweets. In the past I have bought him the Lego calendar and he never seemed that bothered so when I asked him what calendars he liked he said Chocolate. He has simple needs.

Emma has got a Hotel Chocolat calendar this year. She has had a Friends jewellery calendar and a Harry Potter themed one in the last few years. Although she was quite happy with both of those she said she didn’t want a jewellery or ‘smellies’ calendar. As she is getting a Velvetiser for Christmas then I just thought lets get her a ‘posh’ chocolate calendar.

                                            

 Both Emma and Matthew have also got reusable calendars which they have had for many years. They used to get filled with chocolate coins but I have upgraded to Lindor chocolates for them both.

                                                             

                                            

                                    (might need to replace this next year, looking a bit battered)

In recent years I have also treated myself to an advent calendar. This year I have the Bonne Maman jam calendar. Previously I have had Cath Kidston, Pukka Teas and a jewellery one (bargain off Groupon).

This year I have been sent an advent card from a lovely friend of mine. I haven’t seen these before and I am looking forward to opening the squares and seeing the pictures, just like when I was a child. This card will also be a keepsake and I could re-use every year.

                                                

Since Emma was a baby we had had this wooden advent calendar which we bought from Costco. Each box contains a decoration to put in the centre. Each year Emma and Matthew take in turns to open a box and put the decoration on the tree. I will let them argue over who gets it when they have both moved out.

 

Craig doesn’t do chocolate. Last year I bought him a pork scratching calendar but he kept forgetting to open it and he has told me not to bother with one for him this year. Penny has a doggy chocolate one which I am sure she will enjoy as a treat.

 Calendars aimed at adults seem to be a recent phenomenon as I never used to see anything but chocolate based ones. Do you now treat yourself to an advent calendar as an adult or do you see them as only for children?